Last week

It was a horrendously shiny day, one of those ones where you want to stay in bed until the sun goes down. People call them “beautiful days.” Well, the only thing beautiful about them is their nightfall. I had to rise from the long comfort of my glorious bed, down comforter over me since i crank up the air to freezing. I’ll use up as much energy as I can just so some treacherous soul in the future won’t have any. Anyway, I had to go to the post office to mail another one of my pranks (I’ll tell you about that one, someday. I’m waiting to get a response to it!) when one of those prissy blond bitches with the sunglasses that look like the kind old people wear stopped right in front of me to talk on her damn cell phone. I ran into her, but she didn’t say sorry or anything. So I decided to teach her a little lesson.

She started walking again, so I slowed down right next to her, kept her pace even as she tried to change it. She was talking to her boyfriend with this high pitched squeal, like she was, like, you know, a bird or something. I couldn’t stand her. I had to do something, so I stepped in front of her and screamed, “How could you! You said you were breaking up with him!” loud enough for him to hear it. Then, I grabbed the phone and told him to leave her alone, that we were together now and she didn’t want to see him again.

Oh, you should have seen her face! The shock was so great that she couldn’t even pull the anger up to the surface. My, oh, my, it was a beautiful expression. I promptly handed her the phone and continued on my way, content that I had created an awkward situation for a girl in oblivion.

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